by Nicole | Dec 16, 2020 | Brokenness, Mental Health, Rest
Christmas. For some of us, this season fills us with childlike joy and excitement. The lights, parties, decorations, cookies, presents, family members…everything about Christmas energizes us and leaves us counting down the months until December. Maybe we don’t even wait until December…maybe we deck our halls in November. Heck, some of us wish we worked in Christmas Shops so we never had to go without the holiday!
And for the rest of us, this season is a stark reminder of all the ways we have failed and the fact that we are alone. Whether we have lost a family member, been harshly separated from one, or feel as though we have failed our families, we would rather close our eyes and fast-forward through this holiday that seems to be a vain attempt to mask the pain for a month. Reality sets in thirty days later reminding us of our failures and aloneness.
But maybe we have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. Sure, you’ve heard that before, haven’t you? “Let’s remember the reason for the season!” “Keep CHRIST in CHRISTmas!” We put up the nativity scenes, we read through Luke 2, we tell our children this is Jesus’ birthday, we say “Merry CHRISTmas!” and not “Happy Holidays!”. But has it all become so rote that we truly miss out on one of the most fundamental crux’s to our faith? Have our traditions and catchy phrases numbed us to something more?
Isaiah 9:6 says, “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
Go back in time with me…stand from afar and watch as Mary, who is full term now, tries to find a comfortable position on the donkey while she fights her contractions. You can see the pain written across her face. But this isn’t just the pain from the contractions…she has been ridiculed, doubted, and abandoned by her community due to this pregnancy. She’s young…under 20 years of age young. Get a glimpse of her thoughts…what kind of delivery will this be? What does a baby conceived by the Holy Spirit look like? Will Joseph be able to love this boy? Does he still love me because he wants to or because he has to now? Will we be good parents?
Watch Joseph’s face as he frantically looks for the smoothest part of the dusty dirt road while at the same time hopelessly searching for a suitable location for Mary to deliver. The past ten months have been nothing short of Hell for his reputation. But he loved Mary…he believed God…and he would love and raise this boy as well. He made his mind up months ago and he was determined to stay to the course.
Now, come with me into the stable, the most unlikely maternity ward. Listen to Mary scream as she starts to push. Hear Joseph console her. Watch as their son enters the world a takes his first breath. Joseph, an unfit midwife, runs to get water and whatever clean linens he can find. Mary, relieved the worse is over, takes a deep breath and clings to her son.
Do you see the look in her eyes as she stares at him for the first time? She knows that the baby she is holding was conceived by the Holy Spirit. She was told He was the Son of God, that He would save His people from their sins, that He, this tiny life whose fingers were wrapped around her one finger, whose very existence was dependent on her now, that He would be called “Immanuel, which means, God with us.”
Joseph runs back into stable with little pieces of cloth he got from the Inn next door…these linens were probably dish rags. No matter. He needed something with which to clean his son and make sure he was warm. His son. Funny how everything changes when you see that little person for the first time. This was his baby. Held by his wife. The ridicule and embarrassment seemed nothing to Joseph now.
He catches Mary’s eye and they both freeze. The enormity of what just happened is beginning to sink in. They can’t speak, because neither of them have the words. They don’t really know how this all happened, or what they are supposed to do now, or what their future is going to look like. All they know is that they have each other and this precious life, “Immanuel, God with us.” God with them.
Over the next 33 years, Mary would watch the most fascinating life that ever walked the face of the earth. She would see Him change water into wine, heal blind men, raise people from the dead, cast out demons, and feed thousands. She would watch as He graciously interacted with prostitutes, tax collectors, sinners, and lepers. She would hear Him condemn the righteous and religious. And then, she would see Him nailed to a cross. The same person she held in her arms that night in a stable, would have His arms outstretched on a Roman cross. Was this how it was supposed to end? This wasn’t what she signed up for. She thought the Messiah would come and establish His Kingdom. She thought she would be spared from heartache. What was God doing? Was she missing something? She had lost everything for Him. Her reputation, her family, her peace of mind…and now for what? How could God do this to her? How could He do this to her?
And then…three days later…everything changed.
Three days later, Mary saw her son. Oh, but He was no longer her son. No, now He was her Savior. And everything made sense. Her confusion, her pain, her aloneness, her isolation…all of it culminated in the moment she saw Him alive. She got it. She understood why her son, the Messiah, had to die.
So He could offer scandalous grace to those who do not deserve it. To those who truly believe they are too broken, too dirty, too wayward, too unreligious, too unworthy, too unacceptable.
To those who think God could never love them, Jesus Christ is God with Us and proved otherwise. Jesus Christ is the living proof that God desperately wants a relationship with you…with me.
But we fight Him. We fight the Savior of the world. We would rather try to convince Him that we aren’t worth it, while He holds open His outstretched, pierced hands and claims otherwise.
What are you waiting for? Why not give in to a love that has the power to heal you at your depths. Why not surrender to a peace that calms the raging storms within you. Why not?
What do you need this Christmas? I guess the better question is: Who do you need this Christmas? Do you need someone to guide you through a new season, someone to give you answers to the tough questions ahead, someone to tell you how to handle that difficult situation? Then you need a Wonderful Counselor.
Do you nee a miracle? Do you need strength to face another day? Are you not sure how to get around the obstacles in your path? You need a Mighty God.
Do you need to feel safe and secure again? Do you need a protector, a comforter, and encourager? Do you need to feel loved and unconditionally accepted? Then you need an Everlasting Father.
Maybe you need a Savior. Maybe you are at the end of your rope…you know there is a God, but you have no idea how to interact with Him or why He would even want to be with you. All you know is that this can’t be all there is to life. You are drowning in darkness and you see no escape. You need a Prince of Peace.
Jesus Christ came to earth as a baby, lived a perfect life, and died on the cross for YOU. He died because He wants a relationship with YOU and the only way to make that happen is to pay for your sins once and for all. He proved He was capable of that when He rose from the dead three days later. Call out to Him. Tell Him you believe! Tell Him He is your Savior. It is that easy! And rest in the presence of Immanuel, God with Us.
by Nicole | Dec 9, 2020 | Brokenness, Counseling, Mental Health
Whenever I talk about counseling, I get four different reactions from people:
- I don’t need to go.
- I’m not ready to go.
- I went and it didn’t work.
- I love my therapist and have been with him/her for years!
Which reaction do you relate the most with? I’ve been all four at some point in my life, but for the past ten years I’ve been a Number Four. Counselling is such a process…as is the decision to finally go to counselling. I’m a firm believer that we could all benefit from counselling because we are all broken, but not all of us are willing to admit that we need help, and that’s okay. It takes time…but here are a few things to consider when you think you are almost there…
Counseling takes:
- Humility – Acknowledging our brokenness and choosing to stop deflecting on and blaming others.
- Acceptance – Accepting our brokenness and no longer overcompensating for or hiding it.
- Vulnerability – We won’t be able to be vulnerable if we haven’t acknowledged and accepted our brokenness.
- Perseverance – Counseling is not a quick fix. It took us years to get where we are…it will take time to unwire our brains and to reframe our triggers.
- Celebration – Celebrating the victories and the days when we do the opposite of what we used to do to cope.
If you went to counseling and it didn’t work, one of two things happened: You either didn’t find the right counselor, or you really didn’t put in the work you needed to (and I’m saying this in SO MUCH LOVE, fam). Let me explain…
- Finding the right counselor: You really do need to connect and build trust with your counselor. If you don’t trust and respect your counselor, you will not be able to hear the hard things your counselor will have to say from time to time. And your counselor SHOULD be saying hard things. Counselling is not just a vent session. Yes, we do need to get things off of our chest and counseling is perfect for that. I vent ALL THE TIME in counseling. But I am also self-aware enough to know that my venting originates from my fear and anger, both of which are unhealthy and need addressed. So after I vent, I ask Kevin what needs to change about my perspective of whatever I am venting about. You need to find a counselor that has your best interests in mind and won’t tell you what you want to hear, but will be an advocate for you and your relationships. Not all counselors are equal and all counselors are fallible! So I always suggest that you find a counselor based on a referral from someone you know and trust. This is the best way to get in with someone that’s good. Also, check out my Scar Stories Podcast (also available on SoundCloud and Apple Podcasts) with Megan Richardson for more tips on how to find a counselor and get started in counseling: Scar Stories: Megan Richardson, LFMT (Counseling) – YouTube
- Putting in the work: I truly believe that God can redeem any relationship (as long as it is safe – I want to be clear that we need distance and safety from abusive relationships) that we are willing to fight for. Some of us come into counseling looking to be told we are the victims and have the right to walk away. I have to tell you that wherever you go, there you are. In other words, if you don’t deal with YOUR brokenness, even if you walk away, your brokenness will follow you and start to rear its ugly head in your next relationship. You have to be willing to deal with YOURSELF. Nine times out of ten when we are dealing with relational conflicts, the crux of the problem is within us…and if we could humble ourselves and choose to be vulnerable no matter how uncomfortable it is, we will begin to see changes. but you HAVE TO TALK. Don’t go in with an attitude. Tell the counselor what you know the counselor needs to know. Fight the fear – you are safe! Counselors are trained to hear your mess and to help untangle your thoughts and emotions. This is the absolute best gift you can give yourself and your relationships.
I have to tell you, that when I first started in counseling, I was so hurt and angry and scared. But I was at an absolute dead end. This was my last resort and since it was, I was going to give it EVERYTHING I had, no matter what I felt inside. I fought HARD for myself – I knew so much of what I was facing relationally was because of the mess inside of me and if I could just get that sorted out, I would start to understand my relational conflicts better. I chose NOT to be the victim. I chose to OWN my brokenness and the roles I had played. I chose to forgive even when people didn’t ask for it. I chose to trust. I chose to surround myself in community with people who were fighting with me and for me. These were all choices I made. It took everything I had…but fam, I did it! And look at me now! If you only knew…
So…this is a question I ask regularly: What are you waiting for? It’s not enough to just get into counseling. You have to do the WORK. Are you willing? Are you ready? Honestly, what do you have to lose and why wouldn’t you? I’m asking for a friend…and you are THAT friend. Love you.
by Nicole | Dec 2, 2020 | Mental Health, Parenting, Priorities, Stress
Sometimes I just feel like I’m owed. You know what I mean? Like everyone should see just how hard and long I’m working without any complaining (at least no “outward” complaining – but that’s good enough sometimes, right?). I am craving being noticed. Complimented. Praised. Loved. Needed. Seen. Sometimes we just pour out everything we have and if we got the kind of reactions we are working for and think we deserve, it wouldn’t be so hard. But when we don’t, it sucks.
And it sucks even more when we realize that this reveals something about our hearts: That it’s not about Jesus. It’s all about us. Me. Ugh. Smh (it took me FOREVER to figure out what that stood for -“Shaking my head” for those of you who are like me).
The holidays seem to accentuate the ugliness. We decorate, bake, buy, dress, wrap, clean, perform, entertain – we do it all. So much of it is for those we love, absolutely. But how much of it, honestly, is to prove something to ourselves, our families, our parents, our exes, our ______________?
The problem is, when people don’t appreciate all of our hard work, we tend to get resentful and bitter. I mean, not hardcore. But like passive aggressive. Oof. When God graciously lets us have “out of body” experiences and see just how badly we are treating people, we have a choice…We can continue to act like people are our pawns sent here to serve us. Or, we can practice the truth in this verse from Scripture:
“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus…”
Life was NEVER about Jesus. It was NEVER about being noticed or seen. It was ALL about GOD the FATHER and saving me. The me who would try to make life all about her – especially when things aren’t going her way. Ouch.
Jesus, help me. I don’t want to live for myself. I want YOU to live through me. Change my heart. Give me Yours. I want to love and serve others the way You love and serve me. Help me to be in the moment and to enjoy those around me by serving them.
Amen.
by Nicole | Nov 18, 2020 | Brokenness, Mental Health, Stress, Suicide
When we were working on this website, I told the designers that I wanted to make sure that this was not only a safe place for women, but also for men.
Did you know that according to Psychology Today, 75% of suicide victims are men? A man will kill himself every 20 minutes. Did you also know that men abuse substances at a rate of 3 to 1? These facts are incredibly personal to me because my brother was addicted to pain pills and committed suicide. He was often times too embarrassed to get the help he needed and then too angry to hear the help he was offered. I wonder how many of you are in that same boat?
I’ve had several conversations with men in the past few weeks regarding mental health. Each of these guys is hurting, but feels helpless and alone for various reasons:
- They are afraid to be vulnerable.
- Society tells them they can’t be weak.
- Culture says they have to be the main breadwinners.
- Mental health is an emotional issue and men aren’t emotional.
- Men can compartmentalize so they don’t struggle with anxiety and depression.
- They can’t keep leaning on their spouses or they will leave.
The harrowing fact of the matter is each of the above reasons are contributing factors as to why men are not seeking and/or getting help. They are suffering in silence. Mental Health has been stigmatized for so long – and woman started to break through the stigma – but I feel like we’ve left the men high and dry.
Men, I am writing this to you. I think the first step in you getting help is “Acceptance“. Society and culture have taught that you are responsible to fix everything while still remaining in control of all of your emotions. Emotional men are weak. Unstable. Insecure. Unable to lead. We’ve told you to stuff all of your feelings deep inside and refused you the time and space to process. Then we wonder why you withdraw, check out, leave, drink, get addicted, have affairs, get angry.
I know some of you are suffering. You are hurting so badly and you are so confused. Why would a good God allow this? Why can’t He fix it? Why can’t you fix it? Have you done enough to try? Is there something else to try? Some of you feel so numb, you aren’t even sure you believe in God anymore. You are angry at yourself and that anger is getting taken out on everyone close to you. You don’t know how to talk to your loved ones about any of this because you feel like all you’ve done is take advantage of them. You wonder how much longer they will put up with you.
Acceptance. You are broken. There is not a blasted thing you can do about it. We are all broken: We live in a broken world. We won’t be fixed this side of Heaven. Jesus never promised that…so you thinking you will pray, read, attend or work this away is just not true. God is not withholding healing from you because He doesn’t think you deserve it. He believes you deserve LIFE, that’s why He sent His Son to die on the cross for your brokenness, so you could have Jesus’s life! But you have to stop fighting against your brokenness and learn to lean into it. Lean into your weakness. Don’t you remember what Paul said in the Scriptures? When he was at his weakest, he was at his strongest. How can that be? Because there is freedom in letting down the façade. You spend so much energy fighting your brokenness, hiding your brokenness, ignoring your brokenness. When you finally accept your brokenness, you can begin to use your energy to get healthy…to process the past, to understand the present and to anticipate the future. You can begin to discover your triggers and what landmines to avoid with your friends, spouses, and families. You can begin to fight against the generational baggage and offer your marriage and your children something that was never offered to you: Forgiveness, Grace, Freedom.
You know you aren’t the only man battling mental illness. Statistics say thousands upon thousands of men are suffering in silence. What if we came around you and supported you and cheered you on as you began to accept your past and who you are today and then you fight for the health of your future? What if you stopped living as a victim to your past and started pursuing the health of your future?
What does this look like?
- It looks like reaching out.
- It looks like communicating.
- It looks like community.
- It looks like counseling.
- It looks like vulnerability.
And I know for most of you, that doesn’t look fun. But what is your alternative? In an effort to look strong, are you going to lose your family? Your sanity? Your finances? Your job? Your friends? Your life? We are here and we are cheering you on, men! Real strength is found in admitting weakness. In owning weakness. And then in healing that weakness. So, are you ready? Let’s get after it together!
by Nicole | Oct 28, 2020 | Brokenness, Mental Health
I put up this statement from Jon Acuff the other day: “Self sabotage is when you drill holes in your own ship because the trip is going so well that you feel uncomfortable because someone or something taught you that you don’t deserve smooth sailing.” So many of you shared how you related to that post that I decided to blog about it. Yay us!
Our society hinges acceptance on performance. In other words, if you say the right things, do the right things, and look the right way, you are rewarded with promotions, accolades, raises, attention, and relationships. When we aren’t meeting the unattainable bar of success that our world has instituted, then we feel like failures and are surprised when anything good happens to us.
We are so used to falling short of the “status quo”, that we don’t feel like we deserve anything good. The problem is the “status quo” we are attempting to meet is always changing and absolutely absurd. Unfortunately, Social Media allows us to paint pictures as though we are “keeping up with the Joneses” and now we are all overwhelmed, in debt, exhausted, frazzled, annoyed, lonely, and angry. Yikes.
So how in the world do we hit pause and then reset what it means to be confident and to feel good and to experience peace? I think a couple of things are at play here.
1. We have to redefine what “Success” looks like.
What does success mean to you? Honestly answer this question even if the answer is embarrassing. Is it money? A big house? Stylish clothes? Popular kids? Talent? A big promotion? What is it? Bryant and I had this discussion when we first started talking about having kids. We decided that success for us would be having good relationships with our kids after they all left the house. I am 100% dead serious. We knew that kids are often the casualties of ministry and we refused to let that happen. So every decision we make about our Church, personal ministries, finances, free time, relationships…every decision is filtered through whether or not it will help us to foster lasting relationships with our kids.
2. We have to figure out why we never feel like we are good enough.
Were you held to high standards as a kid? Are you constantly comparing yourself to other people? Does someone make you feel less than? Did you fail once and you’ve never recovered? Are you speaking negatively to yourself? Again, you have to get embarrassingly honest. If the answer to these questions unearths quite a bit of emotion and baggage, now would be the appropriate time to get into counselling and to start to heal from these experiences. Until you figure out why you are feeling less than, you will never feel enough.
3. You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
If you have never read Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly, stop everything you are doing and go and get that book! She writes about shame and vulnerability and it will wreck you in the best way. She explains that we are absolutely terrified of vulnerability, and “good things” make us feel exposed, so that’s why “good things” make us uncomfortable. We live in a broken world where “bad things” happen. Those “bad things” terrify us. And so in an effort to protect ourselves from being caught off guard by “bad things”, we either create those bad things ourselves or we constantly feel anxious because we are consumed with thinking about them. Both of these scenarios are a way for us to feel “in control” of the “bad things”. Except, we aren’t in control. Listen to me right now, my brother committed suicide less than TWO WEEKS after Christmas. Can you imagine how miserable those few weeks would have been for my family if all I did was obsess about “bad things” happening? And the “bad thing” would have still happened, except at that point, I’d have no emotional margin left to handle it. Instead, we had an INCREDIBLE Christmas, even though it looked very different with Bryant’s mom in the hospital (oh yeah, that “bad thing” was happening too). That gave me the strength to lean into Jesus through the nightmare of Eric’s suicide.
After you walk through trauma, it is hard to teach your mind to embrace the moment and the good things that come your way. You are afraid they won’t last or that you will be caught off guard and completely overwhelmed with feelings of betrayal and loss. This has got to break Jesus’s heart. Think of all of this in terms of being a parent: You love your kids. Yes, they live in a broken world where they are going to get hurt. But you nurture them and keep them as safe as you can and give them good things cause you want them to be safe, loved, and to feel worthy of that security and love. This is EXACTLY what Jesus wants for us!!! You can’t think of Him in terms of your earthly parents – cause some of them got parenting and life so wrong. Think of Jesus in terms of the parent you aspire to be. Now take this a step further: What if every time you went to make your kids happy, they only responded with fear and anxiety and anger? Wouldn’t that break your heart and concern you? But this is exactly what we do to God. So just imagine how He feels when He tries to give us good things and we refuse to enjoy them.
4. You have to trust God and live in the moment. We don’t trust that God is going to give us what we need when we need it. Instead, we think we have to prepare ourselves for “bad things” and so we expend mental and emotional energy in the preparation and that only depletes us. We aren’t ready to face anything hard because we haven’t been replenishing with the good. We haven’t been accepting the gifts God gives us, so we don’t think He will be able to give us the grace we need for the difficult times. You see how deadly cyclical this is? Do you see how crafty the Enemy is? It actually makes me angry. Choose to be in this moment. Kevin, my counselor always explains that in THIS MOMENT, you are safe. Take a deep breath – let the air really fill your lungs. Now exhale slowly and go over everything you are thankful for and all the things you are free to enjoy in this moment. And then move into the next moment and then the next. You only have the strength for right now. Don’t spend it on what’s next.
5. You have to love yourself. YOU are an incredible person. You have gifts and abilities and talents and insight that only YOU can have. Your life experiences have made you into such a unique individual with a very specific race to run. You deserve good things because you were made in the Image of God and He is good. Yes, we are all broken because of sin. Yes, we are all sinners (and all my legalist friends say a collective, “Amen!”), but this “Woe is me, I’m such a sinful person and only deserve Hell, but for the grace of Jesus” is bullcrap. That’s not the abundant life Jesus came to give us. OMG. Get a grip. We’ve modeled and taught that godliness is self deprecation. Oh my loves, nothing could be further from the truth. Scriptures teach that the two most important commands in all of Scripture are to love God and to love people…as we love ourselves. If we aren’t loving ourselves, how can we love people? We just can’t. When you are self-deprecating, you will automatically look to other people to make yourself feel better. You’ll use people, demean people, isolate yourself from people, compare yourself to people, cling to people, all in an effort to make yourself feel loved, accepted, worthy, and secure. Can you imagine what would happen if we instead looked to Jesus – if we allowed Him to be our identity and not what we do, say, look like, make? Then we wouldn’t need to get our worth from anyone or anything else. We wouldn’t think we did or didn’t deserve certain things. We could just live in the moment be grateful for what God gives us.
None of this is easy, fam. If it were, we’d all be doing it and I bet we’d all be much happier. But we can What About Bob it and take baby steps. What are one or two points that you can begin to practice today? I’ll tell you, I am still working on making sure my identity is in Jesus and not in my physical appearance (weight) or my house’s appearance. I’m just being real. But being real and vulnerable is the catalyst to lasting change. So what’s it for you? Would you share in the comments?
by Nicole | Oct 21, 2020 | Brokenness, Mental Health, Motherhood, Parenting
I get asked a lot about kids. More specifically, about how to make sure our kids don’t get our crazy…you know what I mean? When we were pregnant with Brooke, I was so afraid that she would struggle with anxiety and depression and Borderline as she grew. I remember talking to Kevin about it in one of our sessions. He encouraged me by saying that more often than not, the parents who are actively seeking counseling for their mental illnesses are less likely to pass those along to their children. Why? Because the parents are healing and are on high alert for any signs that their children may also need extra help in processing certain situations.
I’ll never forget taking Brooke to the doctor when she was around four or five. We had to go to a different doctor’s office due to health insurance reasons (gotta love Health Insurance, #amiright). Brooke was LOSING HER MIND about getting shots (as any child does) and the doctor said, nonchalantly, “You may need to have her seen about her anxiety.” HOLD THE PHONE…WHAT? I was LIVID that a doctor would throw anxiety around like that – especially because I was already on pins and needles about my kids ending up anxious and depressed.
But isn’t that just like the enemy? He wants to hold our labels over our heads and keep us feeling and living defeated – because if he can, THAT way of life WILL get passed on to our kids. For those of you living with the generational baggage of mental illness or brokenness, then you being honest and getting healthy are the first steps to cutting ties with the past and keeping your kids free from the tentacles of the past.
Kids are intuitive. They know when something is wrong.
A few years ago, I had a major anxiety attack on a Saturday morning. I was supposed to go somewhere with Brooke and I got so frazzled trying to get out of the door, I just lost it and left…without her (Bryant was home – I feel like that’s important to mention here. Shew). I just drove around the block and came home. When I walked in the door, she was devastated that I would leave without her. Then I heard Ryder walking around quietly crying and saying, “I burned my hand. I burned my hand.” My curling iron had been on and he grabbed it while it was super hot and when Bryant and I were both distracted with my anxiety. OHMYGOSH. I just fell apart in that moment. I had a daughter who was brokenhearted and a son who was physically hurt – all because of my anxiety. It was an eye opening experience and one that still breaks my heart. But I decided after that day that I would no longer bring my children into my attacks. If I was going to have an anxiety attack (and I was), then I was going to make the conscious decision to safely remove myself from their vicinity until I could calm down enough to not involve them.
Here’s what I will say, though: I am always very honest with them about my anxiety. If I am having a bad few days, I will let Brooke and Ryder and Braxton know (in as much detail as they can handle at their ages). I try to explain to them that mommy is feeling sick inside from anxiety, something that can make her sad and mean, but that Mr.Kevin is helping mommy, as is Daddy and Jesus. I always apologize if I’ve been hurtful or raised my voice. If I get at Bryant in front of them, I apologize for that too.
The other night as I was doing just that – apologizing for the way I had treated them due to my anxiety – Brooke got her big eyes and asked, “Am I going to get anxiety?” I burst into tears as I answered, “No, Baby Girl. Momma’s fighting really hard so you won’t get it.” Geez guys. That’s what getting healthy is all about. Working our tail ends off so we break the chains and give our kids a fighting chance.
The truth is, we live in a broken world and our kids are broken, just like us! Some of you may be concerned that your kids are battling with anxiety and depression, and if they are, THEY ARE NORMAL AND ARE GOING TO BE OKAY. Do not be ashamed to get them the extra help they may need for a season. Can you imagine how different your life would’ve been if your parents had gotten you into counseling?
If you aren’t sure if your child is truly struggling with anxiety or depression, maybe ask yourself these questions:
- Is he/she withdrawing (from friends, family, school, sports, etc)?
- Is he/she sleeping more than usual?
- Does he/she seem distracted or needing to be distracted more often than not?
- Is he/she more antsy and/or irritable than usual?
- Is he/she acting out – like you feel like all of sudden you are living with a completely different individual?
These questions aren’t inclusive. Jesus gives us parents instincts and if they are telling you something is amiss, then get your kid into counselling! We’ve taken our kids before and it has been SO HELPFUL! Sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of our face. Counselors help us put the pieces together and give us direction in how to communicate and actually be heard. We want to teach our kids that seeking help is normal and good and nothing to be ashamed of!
We will end the stigma of mental illness if we stop hiding behind it. Own your brokenness. Teach your children to own theirs. Jesus shines the brightest in our weaknesses. We learn Who He is when we need Him most. Let’s model this to our children and watch what Jesus does!
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