Identity Crisis

Identity Crisis

Identity is the hinge on which a person’s mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health swings. A lost and/or confused identity is the catalyst for every sin, disorder, or complex. Take that to the bank.

So identity. It’s huge.

Paul spends all of Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians dealing with the idea of identity. Paul knows. He knows that these believers who are living in a culturally explosive and seductive time period will be easily swayed to abandon their convictions for love, acceptance, worth and security if not found first and foremost in Christ. He knows that Satan is clever and aware that a simple crack in a believer’s identity will ultimately cause the entire fortress of his/her carefully constructed belief system to crumble. Satan knows. So, Paul belabors the subject of a believers identity in Christ. What does it mean to be in Christ? What does is look like? How does it happen?

In Colossians, Paul calls “Christ in you” a mystery. How true is that? I mean, we talk about our identity needing to be in Christ and the fact that it should be easy since He lives in us. But, honestly here, what the heck does that even mean? Paul defines it for us in Colossians 3:1-4…

– Raised with Christ
– Seated with Christ
– Hidden in Christ

Okay…so let me break this down for you. If you were raised with Christ, you had to have died with Christ. Very simply put, when Christ died on the cross for your sins over 2000 years ago, He died for all of your sins: Past, present, and future. Everything thing you do, say, and think has been covered by God’s forgiveness. You are set for life. Let that sink in. Seriously. Stop, and think about that for a second. I don’t care what you have done in your past or may commit in the future or are contemplating right now, you are FORGIVEN!!! Isaiah says it this way, “You [God] have cast all my sins behind Your [God’s] back.” David explains it this way, “As far as the east is from the west, so far does He [God] remove our transgressions from us.” Scripture makes it very clear…ALL of your sin is covered and forgiven. Period.

But how can that be, you ask? Ah, that’s the mystery of Christ in YOU. You see, when Christ died on the cross, your sin and your labels (I could list some, but chances are you don’t need me to…your label just came to mind) were nailed to the cross: God has forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in Him.

Those labels, those names you call yourself and the way you see yourself, are demonic. Yeah, that’s right, they are from the Enemy. Otherwise, why would Paul say in that verse “He [God] disarmed the rulers and authorities…putting them to open shame”? He said that because those are the sources of your faulty identity. If the Enemy can determine how you see yourself, he can control how you see God and how you interact with others.

You are finding your love, acceptance, worth and security somewhere. That “somewhere” is your identity.  You are scared you are going to lose whatever that “somewhere” is. Whoever threatens “that” is who you are out to “get”. Love, patience, forgiveness, kindness…those are obtrusive thoughts to you because those make you weak against the “whoever”. So, you develop bitterness and anger as a way to protect yourself from the threat. You build walls around your heart. You distract yourself with addictions. You hid behind perfectionism. Are you tracking with me?

Not only are you forgiven, you are seated with Christ. After Christ died on the cross, He sat down at the right hand of God in Heaven. His sitting down is symbolic of saying “I’m done”. In other words, Christ did everything that needed to be done for you to be forgiven and to stay forgiven…for all of eternity. In essence, Paul says it is as though you are sitting with Jesus, next to God. You are hanging out in God’s throne room. “Wait a minute…” You gasp…”I am not worthy to be up there with Jesus.” Uh, yes you are. That’s my point. You were forgiven. When God looks at you, He sees Jesus. He sees His perfection. He doesn’t see your label. That was nailed to the cross, remember? Jesus sat down. It’s over. God disarmed the Enemy from using your label as a weapon against you.

But you still feel attacked? Paul explains all through Colossians how important it is to grow in your relationship with Jesus. Why? Because growing closer to Jesus reminds you of the truth of who you really are!

Frederick Douglass was a black slave who taught himself to read and write. Consequently, he was able to escape from slavery and became a leading advocate for black rights in the North during the Civil War era. He explains that as a child, his slave owner was attempting to teach him to read and to write. However, her husband caught word of the tutoring. He quickly put an end to the lessons. Why? Because knowledge is power. If Douglass was able to read and to write, the dividing lines between whites and blacks would blur. Douglass would realize he too, in fact, is human and endowed to certain “unalienable rights”.

Romans says that we have not been “given the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear…” We are adopted into God’s family…we have a whole new identity!!! However, Satan uses our lack of knowledge of what that means to keep us tied up in anger and bitterness and enslaved to certain people and situations in effort to protect ourselves.

You are hidden in Christ now. You are safe. He, Who Colossians 1 says is the God of the universe, is your protector. “Set your minds on things above”, Colossians 3:2 states. Realize, what Jesus did on the cross 2000 years ago defines you. Shut Satan up. He doesn’t deserve your time, or your identity.

Seasons Change

Seasons Change

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.”
– Ecclesiastes 3:1

Just a season. This too shall pass.

I am going to tell you, some days I cling to those seven powerful words, don’t you? Some seasons in our lives just suck. There’s no other way to put it.

  • You are struggling with grades, friends, identity, you name it – in high school. Yeah. Those four years are rough. Awful sometimes. It’s a season. Hang in there. I promise, the best is yet to come. Dig your roots down deep in your youth group. If you don’t have one, find one. Probably some of the most influential people in my life were my mentors in high school. They don’t know it, but I think of them often and remember that during that time, they were my lifelines.
  • You are 21 and still single. Seems like a lifetime, doesn’t it? Been there. In fact, I was 23 when I met Bryant (or 24…I can’t remember and I am terrible at simple math). When I graduated from college, I had only had one official boyfriend (a few “going steadies” in between) and most of my friends were already married with a child and number two on the way. No lie. I felt like the Apostle Paul: I had the gift of celibacy. When I moved to Florida, I was so lonely at times. I second guessed my personality, looks, you name it. And what’s funny? I was only 23. If you are in this boat, I am not patronizing you. I get it. But it’s a season. Just a season. Fill your single years with as much as you can. Start pursuing your dreams. Take a chance. I moved down to Florida from New York and took a job at a respectable school when I was only 22 and after a pretty severe breakup. I was scared to death. Best decision I made. Cause then I met Bryant…on a blind date…and the rest is history!
  • You are recently married and facing marital trouble. Been there. Our first year was no picnic. It was awful. But it was a season. We sought counselling, experienced real healing, and I’m going to be honest, I understood the ramifications of the Gospel during that season more than any other time in my life. It was the most sanctifying, healing, horrifying, exhilarating time in our lives. And our marriage is strong and healthy now as a result. A season.
  • You were diagnosed with clinical depression or some sort of personality disorder and/or anxiety disorder. Been there. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder shortly after we got married (hence some of our difficulties). That’s when I jumped head first into counselling. Yes, I was embarrassed by the label. I hated it. But it forced me – I mean absolutely demanded – into the grace, love, and unconditional forgiveness of Christ. My mental illness still beats me up at times. But it’s just a season. I know during those times to reach out to my closest friends for prayer. I speak honestly with Bryant. And I schedule a counseling appointment. Yes, even after ten years, I still see my counselor. It’s a season.
  • You have a newborn. Need I say more? Listen, it’s a season. Now he/she is a toddler. It’s a season. I so appreciate Instagram right now. You know why? I have some honest mommy friends who share their real stories of frustration, pain, exhaustion, excitement, and happiness through pictures. I don’t feel so alone. And we can be praying for each other and encouraging each other that this is just a season. One day, when we are 50 and empty-nesters, we are going to miss these days. Sometimes I don’t believe that, but I take the word of my more “seasoned” friends. Hang in there mommy and daddy. Soak in those precious moments. Laugh at the aggravating ones. It’s a season.
  • You are divorced or have faced (are facing) some sort of loss. My dear, dear brother or sister…It’s a season. Please do not think for a moment that God has abandoned you. That’s what Satan wants you to think. He wants to destroy your life and the fastest way to do that is to isolate you from your Heavenly Father who probably doesn’t seem that loving right now. This is cliché, but grasp a hold of His promises from the Word of God: His mercies are new every morning. He’s never going to leave or forsake you. He wants to give you abundant life. Find some friends who can have faith for you during this time. Hurt. Bleed. But then cling. Cling to Him. It’s just a season.
You were diagnosed with cancer. You’ve just moved for the hundredth time. You have trouble making and keeping friends. You have to pull away from a person who is doing you and your family some harm. You lost your job. You quit your job. You can’t make ends meet. You are making more than you ever have. Seasons. These are all seasons. I have friends in almost every one of these categories. Dear friends. Friends that I hate seeing hurt. Friends that feel so alone. And all I can say is that God is WITH you. He knows.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Exodus 2:25. The Israelites were experiencing brutal slavery and felt like God was no where to be found. But this verse says so eloquently:

God saw what was going on with Israel.
God understood.

So I leave you with this…not a theological argument for God’s presence, not a ton of Scriptures for you to memorize, not another Bible study or list of things to do. Just this: God sees. God knows. God understands. God’s with you. It’s just a season. Hang in there dear friend.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity
under heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, 
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a t time to search and a a time to give up,
at time to keep and time to throw away,
at time to tear and time to mend,
at time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a t time to war and a a time for peace.
– Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Life Sucks Sometimes

Life Sucks Sometimes

So I have been rubbing shoulders with a number of people who just feel overwhelmed and bogged down with life. Life is hard. It hurts. It’s exhausting. It’s stressful. It’s lonely. It sucks.

Bottom line: Life beats us down and wears us out. The good news is that life is broken down into seasons…some are good and some are bad. Some seasons are short and others are long. If we don’t have a remind ourselves of the Gospel every day, it’s easy to give into the lie that God doesn’t love us, is punishing us for something, or just took off

My friend, nothing could be further from the Truth. The Gospel tells us that when we were at our worst, God sent His Son Jesus to die for us (Romans 5:8). He loves us as much as He loves Jesus. That blows my mind! When God looks at us, He sees Jesus. And since He can never be upset, disappointed or just over Jesus, He will never be upset, disappointed or over you.

Just this morning I was reading in 2 Corinthians 1. Here are some of the verses:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows…[comfort] produces in you patient endurance.”

I love the line that says, “Just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” We are going to face hard times. God tells you that straight up (got to appreciate His honesty, am I right?). But, He also promises His comfort. His presence. His peace.

Some of you may be thinking, “Hold the phone. I am in the middle of my own personal hell right now and I ain’t experiencing no peace.” (Disclaimer: I am sure you practice better grammar than that). Well, let me ask you this: Do you believe that God loves you…and even likes you?

That’s a simple question…with a really difficult answer for some. I was just talking with a friend who is going through a tough time right now and she was absolutely convinced God didn’t like her and was out to get her for past mistakes. Oh how that broke my heart. We will have to face the consequences for our decisions…and sometimes those aren’t pleasant. But there are also times when we are in the middle of a “crapstorm” that we didn’t create. Either way, God is WITH US and FOR US. He never leaves us, and He surrounds us with HIS GRACE and all the chances we need.

Paul says in the Scriptures:
We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, Who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver usOn Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

Paul (if you aren’t familiar with the Scriptures, Paul is a big deal in there) was suicidal at times! Isn’t that crazy? I mean, check out the verses above…”we despaired even of life.” Hello. He didn’t want to live because life got so bad at times. But, he gives the answer: “This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God, Who raises the dead.”Tough, terrible, horrible times often reveal the “dead” parts in us: Those things we are still hanging on to to give us meaning, identity, and worth apart from Jesus. Those things that when we lose them, we feel like we can’t go on. The good news is God wants to raise those dead parts to life by giving us His abundant life through Jesus. We have to “set our hope” on Him (see above). We have to believe that He truly does love us more than anything and will finish the good work He’s started (Philippians 1:6). We are worth Jesus Christ to God! We have to accept Jesus as our Personal Savior (apart from anything good we can or will do) and believe that only through Jesus can we have a personal relationship with God. Then, we have to remind ourselves everyday that the same love God showed by trading in Jesus for us, He offers everyday. We just have to accept it. You may not feel it at times. But you have to choose to believe it. And when we are living grounded in God’s unfailing love for us, we can face anything knowing that God will give us what we need to face it.

God will give you more than you can handle, because He wants to handle it for you.

I love the last few verses in 2 Corinthians 1:
God affirms us, making us a sure thing in Christ, putting His yes within us. By His Spirit, He has stamped us with His eternal pledge – a sure beginning of what He is destined to complete.

God affirms you…not your circumstances. He defines you. Not the difficulties you are facing now. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, God has stamped you with His “Yes!” And He promises to complete what He has started in you for your good and His glory (Romans 3:23).

Hang in there dear friend. Keep reminding yourself of the incredible love of God that He demonstrated for you when He had Jesus Christ die in your place on the cross for your sins (past, present, and future). Trust in Him, and not in your own works. Believe that He is your only hope for Heaven and that He loves you no matter what you do, what other people say, what circumstances you face, or how you feel.

Scar Stories: Emily Vasquez (Church Trauma)

Scar Stories: Emily Vasquez (Church Trauma)

I can’t wait for you to meet my girl Emily Vasquez. We met two years ago and connected instantly.

Emily shares her wild story of trauma and redemption. She tells how she had a mental/emotional breakdown and her husband contemplated suicide, while they were leading a church in Boston. We talk about how the church (as a whole) has done a huge disservice to those of us in leadership and what we need to do better as Jesus Followers when dealing with brokenness, mental health, and trauma. I’m telling you, this was a good one!

Scar Stories: Emily Vasquez (Church Trauma)

Scar Stories: Heather Palacios (Suicide)

I cannot tell you HOW POWERFUL Heather’s story is…YOU GUYS JUST GET READY FOR THIS. I will say, TRIGGER WARNING: We talk about mental afflictions (wait until you hear her definition) and about suicide. Heather’s sense of humor is refreshing and her insight on all things mental health is challenging. I cannot wait for you to hear this interview!

Follow Heather at wondherful.com and on social media at @wondherful.

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