* This remix of my conversation with Emily includes my podcast’s intro and outro. *
I can’t wait for you to meet my girl Emily Vasquez. We met two years ago and connected instantly.
Emily shares her wild story of trauma and redemption. She tells how she had a mental/emotional breakdown and her husband contemplated suicide, while they were leading a church in Boston. We talk about how the church (as a whole) has done a huge disservice to those of us in leadership and what we need to do better as Jesus Followers when dealing with brokenness, mental health, and trauma. I’m telling you, this was a good one!
We all get wounded. The question is are we living wounded or living with our wounds?
If you are living wounded, then you may…
Walk around as a victim.
Refuse to release the pain.
Struggle to surrender.
Hold grudges.
Allow every negative circumstance to remind you of previous negative circumstances.
Battle depression.
Pull away from friends and family.
Be bitter.
Live paranoid.
Be angry.
I’m not saying this is an end-all-be-all list for people who are walking around nursing their wounds. In fact, if you can think of other tell-tale signs that someone is living wounded, add them to the comments!
What’s interesting is that we are often blind to the fact that we are nursing our wounds. In fact, we may even think we are doing what we need to care for our wounds. Self-medication does work…for a while. Eventually, those things you are using to numb the pain will not work anymore. And then you will have a choice: Do you continue down the self-destructive path you are on, or do you decide to get help? The hard truth is that some of you cannot make progress in your healing because you are afraid to entrust your wound to someone else.
Jesus Christ didn’t just come to save us from our sins, but also to heal us from our wounds.
Think about it: A daughter is in an accident, rushed to the emergency room, rescued into stable condition, and ushered into the ICU. The father arrives and decides that Urgent Care treatment is all he is willing to pay for. She will therefore spend the rest of her life in the ICU. Sound realistic? Nope. So why do we think our Heavenly Father will do the same and maybe even worse with us? Yes, He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. We are in “stable condition” if we accept Jesus as our Savior. However, Jesus also came to give abundant life (John 10:10). Unfortunately, Satan is the Father of all lies and he seeks to utterly destroy us (John 8:44, 1 Peter 5:8). He convinces us that we can take care of ourselves, that there’s nothing more to be done, and that we have to live wounded.
But you see, there is a difference between living wounded and living with our wounds.
Here is another illustration: If you were to severely cut your arm, you would have a bloody mess on your hands (pun not intended…but it’s awesome). You would have to spend weeks cleaning and caring for your wound. Ultimately, it would heal and leave a small scar hardly anyone would notice. Since you took the time to clean and mend the cut, it no longer causes pain. The only way anyone would know about the wound is if you felt lead to show and tell.
The same thing occurs with our emotional wounds. When we are initially hurt emotionally, we are bleeding everywhere. We have to go through intense treatment. Once we have healed, we have the scar, but not the intense pain. We learn to live and are able to interact again healthily.
It takes time and hard work to heal.
The healing process is made up of both discovery and application.
Discovery: Discovering your triggers…what causes the wound to flair and be painful. Some of you have certain M.O. reactions that you just consider “part of your personality” now. You’ve never taken the time to discover what your body believes are threats to your wound. And so it goes into “fight or flight” mode to protect you. However, these responses are not healthy to you or your relationships and you need to pay attention to when, where, and why they are happening so you can determine what caused them.
Application: Once you discover what your triggers are, you can begin to apply healthy response techniques to those triggers. You can rewire your brain to stop interpreting certain situations as dangerous. You can teach your body to live and interact peacefully with your surroundings. But it does take time, patience, and practice.
I named my podcast Scar Stories because when we do the hard work of healing, our scars become our stories. We get to use our stories to redeem and rescue those who feel just as alone, forgotten, embarrassed, discouraged, and hopeless as we once did. This is your battle wound that God will use to heal others when you are ready. Don’t let anyone take advantage of your scar or use your scar. Don’t let anyone silence your voice. You need to own it because the world needs it.
I have been following Carlos Whittaker (@loswhit) for a while now. He took a photo of his anxiety medication years ago encouraging us to keep moving towards healing, whatever it took! I was inspired to begin sharing about my journey with anxiety meds. Carlos is authentic and vulnerable and fun to watch!
In this interview, we talk a lot about anxiety and race. Carlos has challenged and informed my view of racism in America. He is kind and gracious and has friends and followers on both sides. I really want to encourage you to listen to this interview and hear his heart. Regardless of whether you agree or not, it’s so important to learn from each other’s experiences.
Let me know what you think! Leave a comment and a rating!
Check out Carlos’ books: Kill the Spider, Moment Maker, and Enter Wild.
“When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions. Blessed are those you choose and bring near to live in your courts!”
Psalm 65:3-4
I have a number of close friends and family members that I have seen wrestle with the devastating consequences of their brokenness. I have been privy to the statements, condemnations, judgments, and even prophecies that have been spoken over their lives. If you have ever lived through a season of “reaping what you have sown” as I have, you know firsthand how quickly the religious people come running out of the woodwork bent on making sure you understand that what has just happened must not and cannot ever happen again.
I was broken.
I think my angst comes from this: After a season of about 6 months of living through absolute Hell due to emotional problems and self-medicating, I really didn’t need anyone telling me how bad I was or that these behaviors needed to stop. I knew it. O Lord, You know I knew it. I was so broken, so devastated, so utterly ruined by who I had become, I didn’t even recognize my own reflection in the mirror. I was terrified. And it was in one moment, face down on the floor of our bedroom, that I just called out to God from the depths of my heart. Even typing this is making me emotional. I told Him I was nothing. I had nothing. And if He was real, if He truly was my Savior, then the only way I was ever going to go on living was to be reminded in that moment that He loved me. And I’m not lying to you when I say that I heard Jesus whisper His love to me. Right then. Right there. And I was never the same.
True Brokenness
See, I think that’s what true brokenness is – when all we have to cling to is the fact that Jesus loves us. In the past I could’ve made myself feel better by listing my spiritual accomplishments. But my mental/emotional breakdown did just that: It broke me day after day for about a year and I was literally stripped spiritually and emotionally bare before God and others. Yes, my clinical depression and anxiety, my emotional issues were exposed to others. Never before had that been the case. However, my humiliation pushed me to Jesus. He’s all I had. And if He didn’t come through for me in that moment on the floor, then I am not sure what would have happened next.
The Way of Jesus
Isn’t this the way of Jesus though? Didn’t He do this for people over and over in the Scriptures? He met them in the middle of their brokenness and humiliation and didn’t condemn them. Instead, He reminded them of how much He loved them – even in the middle of their mess.
Brokenness looks different for all of us.
I believe brokenness looks different for each of us but one thing is the same for all of us: When you are stripped bare and left face down before God wherever that is, you know. You know the depths of your heart have just been revealed to you. And you know that you will never understand the Gospel and it’s life-altering ramifications better than you do in that moment. You will never interact with Jesus the same again because you quite have nothing more or left to prove. You only have His love, grace, and forgiveness. It’s an incredibly powerful, resurrecting, transforming process. And there is a freedom that comes from true brokenness. A freedom that is often misinterpreted, but a freedom that I will defend the rest of my life.
Freedom in Brokenness
It’s the same freedom the Prodigal Son experienced when he came back home – the freedom to party and dance even though he was still dirty from living with the pigs (read Luke 15). You see, he wasn’t celebrating his brokenness, he was celebrating the love of his father and the fact that he came home and was safe. Why can’t we do this for people? Why do we operate out of fear and guilt? Why can’t we just rejoice when someone comes back to Jesus and trust Him to finish the work He’s started in their lives?
Our church, Centerpoint Church, ministers to hundreds of broken people every week. And I am here to tell you that we celebrate Prodigals coming home. All I can do is to remember my story and the fact that the Father came running to me when I was most helpless. Unable to offer or prove anything. And He changed the trajectory of my life. When we stop trying to prove to God why He shouldn’t love us and just determine to accept His unconditional love, grace and forgiveness for us, He does a miracle. It may look to outsiders like He is letting us off the hook. All I can say, we know otherwise. And that truth saves and sustains our lives.
I have followed Jennie and Levi’s story for years, but never had the opportunity to meet them personally. Jennie is the real deal. Her humility, grace, and wisdom blew me away. This was one of the most special interviews I’ve done…I know you are going to walk away challenged, encouraged, and inspired.
After you watch, let me know what you loved the most about the interview!
Be sure to follow Jennie on social media @jennielusko and get her book, The Fight to Flourish anywhere books are sold. Also, check out their podcast: “Hey, It’s the Luskos!”
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