So I feel like all this week, the devil has been standing in front of me with a huge sign with all my labels. You know what I mean. The past I am trying to leave just there…in the past. But I can’t this week. For some reason, I am just getting beat down. And I know I’m not the only one.
I just found out that my friend’s son accepted Jesus as his Savior. And I’ve cried all morning.
What got me most was his momma. A sweet lady whom God has completely transformed over the past several years. In fact, her and her husband’s story is one of my favorites. But she openly shared on social media that she was a little intimidated to say anything about her son’s salvation because she was afraid people would call her a hypocrite due to her past. Honestly, I understand and ache over her dilemma. I can’t tell you how many times the enemy has taunted me with my labels … especially now that I have kids. Over and over again I am reminded of what God saved me out of, and I get terrified over what I may or may not pass on to them. What if they battle with clinical depression? What if they have crippling insecurity? What if they miss God’s grace and get hung up on legalism and perfectionism? What if…??? And on and on it goes.
I guess that’s why Paul said in Philippians 3:13 (NIV), “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” Paul had a past. He had the worst label (in my opinion) anyone can have: Murderer. I am sure as he ministered in different churches, he came face to face with family members of people he personally killed. I can’t even begin to imagine.
But remember…this is the same guy who said in Romans 8:1 (NIV): “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” How freeing.
Do I live that way?
Nah.
So what now? Philippians 3:14 (NIV) has the answer: “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
Here’s what Paul is saying in Nicole’s Translation (how cool would that be? ha): I have the awesome God-given calling of being a parent. Being a parent is modeling the grace, love and forgiveness of my heavenly Father to my family. I model that by not only living out my daily walk with God, but also being His personal ambassador to my husband and kids. It’s messy. It’s hard. It’s so worth it. My kids don’t need to see a perfect me. But they do need to see a perfect heavenly Father. And I can point them to Him with my messy past and all. In fact, I think God’s grace shines the brightest against the backdrop of brokenness.
So when the enemy cripples us from truly celebrating what Jesus Christ is beginning in our children’s lives, well then, we just need to tell him where to go. We as parents have the opportunity to begin a new legacy in our children’s lives. We get to break the chains of years of generational sin that may have run rampant in our family of origin’s past. We don’t need to be ashamed of what God has saved us out of and what He is beginning in our children’s lives and hopefully protecting them from. We don’t need to fear our labels and hang them over our heads and theirs. This is our opportunity to be a catalyst of change in the next generation. Praise God that He gave us a second chance so that we can teach our children out of our mistakes and give them a chance at a different future.
All I know is our children are our lasting legacy. Not our pasts. Be a proud momma or daddy. Hold your head up high. God is working … and your life and your precious son’s or daughter’s life is testament to that.
We all just feel overwhelmed and bogged down with life right now, don’t we? Life is hard. It hurts. It’s exhausting. It’s stressful. It’s lonely. It sucks.
Bottom line: It beats us down and wears us out. And some seasons are longer than others. It’s easy to give into the lie that God doesn’t love us, is punishing us for something, or just took off.
My friend, nothing could be further from the truth.
Just this morning I was reading in 2 Corinthians 1. Here are some of the verses from the NIV translation: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ…. [Comfort] produces in you patient endurance.”
I love the line that says, “Just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” We are going to face hard times. God tells you that straight up (got to appreciate His honesty, am I right?). But He also promises His comfort.
Some of you may be thinking, “Hold the phone. I am in the middle of my own personal hell right now and I ain’t experiencing no peace.” (Disclaimer: I am sure you practice better grammar than that). Well, let me ask you this: Do you believe that God loves you…and even likes you?
That’s a simple question…with a really difficult answer for some. I was just talking with a friend who is going through a tough time right now, and she was absolutely convinced God didn’t like her and was out to get her for past mistakes. Oh how that broke my heart. We will have to face the consequences for our decisions…and sometimes those aren’t pleasant. But there are also times when we are in the middle of a “crapstorm” that we didn’t create.
Here’s what Paul says about whatever mess you are in the middle of: “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.”
The great apostle Paul was suicidal at times. Isn’t that crazy? I mean, check out the verses above…”we despaired of life itself.” Hello. He didn’t want to live because life got so bad. But he gives the answer: “This happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.”
Tough, terrible, horrible times often reveal the “dead” parts in us: Those things we are still hanging on to to give us meaning, identity and worth apart from Jesus. Those things that when we lose them, we feel like we can’t go on. The good news is, God wants to raise those dead parts to life by giving us His abundant life through Christ Jesus. We have to “set our hope” on Him. We have to believe that He truly does love us more than anything and that God gave up Jesus to get us. We are worth Jesus Christ to God! We have to accept Jesus as our personal Savior (apart from anything good we can or will do) and believe that only through Jesus can we have a personal relationship with God. Then, we have to remind ourselves every day that the same love God showed by trading in Jesus for us, He offers every day. We just have to accept it. You may not feel it at times. But you have to choose to believe it.
God will give you more than you can handle, because He wants to handle it for you.
I love the last few verses in 2 Corinthians 1 in the Message translation: “God affirms us, making us a sure thing in Christ, putting His yes within us. By His Spirit He has stamped us with His eternal pledge — a sure beginning of what He is destined to complete.”
God affirms you…not your circumstances. He defines you. Not the difficulties you are facing. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, God has stamped you with His “Yes!” And He promises to complete what He has started in you (Philippians 1:6).
Hang in there, friend. Keep reminding yourself of the incredible love of God that He demonstrated for you when He had Jesus Christ die in your place on the cross for your sins (past, present and future). Trust in Him, and not in your own works. Believe that He is your only hope for heaven and that He loves you no matter what you do, what other people say, what circumstances you face or how you feel.
Just say no. We all know the phrase. We say it often. But we don’t live it. We can’t. If we did, wouldn’t we be bored, alone, ignored, worthless, useless?
That’s dramatic, you may be thinking. And I would agree with you. But seriously, then…why don’t we just say no?
I was watching a webinar (that is literally the dorkiest word I have ever heard), and the speaker challenged us to write down a list of our priorities. So here are mine:
My relationship with Jesus.
My relationship with my children (notice I said “relationship” and not “being a mom to”…there’s a difference to me).
My relationship with my husband.
My relationship with myself (rest, exercise, Sabbath, writing, etc.).
My relationships with my extended family and closest friends.
My Church.
Then, she encouraged us to jot down our obligations. So, here we go again (these aren’t necessarily in order):
Serving my husband.
Taking care of my children.
Managing our home (cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry).
Blogging.
Exercising.
Leading the church with Bryant.
The speaker told us that if our obligations are not lining up with our priorities, something is off and we are saying yes to all the wrong things/people.
Now, you will notice two things are missing in my “Obligations” list.
My relationship with the Lord.
My relationships with close friends and family.
Yikes. So, relationally, I am off. Notice, I am not talking about surface-level relationships (a blog on friendships is sure to come). But those deep, gut-level relationships that sharpen me and keep me on track. Those people who know my insides, the insides I don’t really want everyone seeing. Additionally, I am majorly off in my relationship with Jesus. Seems like everything else and everyone else is vying for my attention. That’s why so often I feel torn in 50 million directions and on the borderline of an anxiety attack. He’s not my first priority. So how in the world will my other priorities line up and my obligations fit appropriately? When He’s not invited into my everyday life, I am going to face situations that I can’t and won’t be able to handle. I am going to bite off more than I can chew because He is not going to be the One I am seeking to please. Everyone else is. And that’s a form of bondage I just can’t afford right now.
So, I have to rearrange my life and make sure He doesn’t just fit, He’s it. He’s the One I am living for … seeking to please.…
How do I do that practically? Well, what specifically has HE called me to RIGHT now?
Following Jesus
Being a wife
Being a mom
Loving others
So, I do them all for Him. I take care of myself so I can follow Jesus. I serve Bryant for Jesus. I love my kids for Jesus. I minister to others for Jesus. And when someone asks me to do something that will compete with one of those three major callings, I say no.
Now here’s the hard part: I need to learn to say no without feeling like I have to explain myself. Ouch. I like to talk. I like to explain. I like to make sure everyone likes me. So this is a hard thing for me to learn. But I have to. Otherwise, I will exhaust myself and I will inevitably and unintentionally communicate to someone else that they just aren’t as valuable to me as what I am doing instead (adapted from the webinar — ha). It’s tough. But, if I am finding my identity in Jesus Christ, I won’t be basing my self-esteem on what others think of me and whether I am meeting everyone else’s expectations. I will only be concerned with what Jesus Christ thinks…and last time I checked, He thinks I’m pretty awesome.
I wrote this a few years ago … and as I was rereading it, I was weirdly blessed by it (I promise I’m not narcissistic). It was just kinda fun to go back down memory lane. So I hope you enjoy this little blast from the past!
I was texting a sweet friend of mine yesterday, and we were discussing kids (seriously though — is that all I talk about these days?). We each have a few. And she told me that she would love to have another baby, it’s just that some days she feels so much like a “momster” she’s not sure she should. Then she asked me if I ever feel that way. Y’all, I just laughed. Errrrrrrday. For instance, I just lost it on my 4-year-old and started yelling, “STOP IT!” because she was crying and carrying on a little bit too much for my fancy as I was putting her down for a nap. Never mind that she had been to three church services this weekend and missed her nap yesterday and was out all morning with me shopping. Never mind that. I just got frustrated that I had to deal with a weepy little thing when I felt exhausted myself. And I yelled. And then my heart broke. And a little voice started whispering that I was going to ruin her and that I’m the worst. You guys, I have a terrible time telling that voice to shove it. But I need to!
Here’s what I think. …
If we truly LOVE Jesus, then we will love our kids deeply. That’s what 1 John 4 is all about. The overflow of our love for Jesus spills out onto other people. And if we truly KNOW Jesus, then we also know that we are just stewards of our children. They are actually Jesus’s. He specifically chose you and me for the kids we have because He knew we would be the best equipped to care for them. Let that sink in. I don’t have your kids because I wouldn’t be the best mom for them. And you don’t have my kids for the same reason. Wild. It’s like He’s sovereign or something (I write that sarcastically, of course). The Psalms say that our heavenly Father also knows we are completely human, and more often than not we are going to get it wrong. And this is the part that’s the most strangely comforting to me: I truly believe that Jesus will fill in the gaps, however gaping they may be. And that doesn’t mean I cop out. Nope. I do what I can to the best of my ability and then I trust Him to flow the grace over what I get wrong.
I love Psalm 4:5 (ESV): “Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord.” I do what I know is right and what I know He’s called me to. And then I trust Him. I trust Him that He will finish the good work He’s started in my life and in my kids’ life. I’m not going to get it right all the time. More often than not, I’m going to give my kids a Chicken McNugget Happy Meal after a morning of TV so I can make some phone calls and a day of running errands all afternoon with no naps and forget to brush their teeth for the third day in a row just to get them to bed somewhat on time with very little crying (from me of course).
So here’s a thought for us young mommas:
Don’t fret the small stuff. If you need to eat out and order in more often than not during certain seasons, y’all, just go with it. I don’t think there is any reason whatsoever to feel like a failure. We have three under 4,and there are stretches of time where home-cooked meals at a certain time just aren’t feasible. But you know what? Our kids love to eat out! And we love to invite their grandparents to join us. We’ve just started a “No Phone Till After the Meal” policy so we get some time to be together. I’m not dismissing the importance of mealtime. Especially as your kids grow up. I’m just saying that we tend to put unrealistic expectations on ourselves, and in the attempt of trying to create the most perfect family times, we run ourselves ragged and are spent and unable to truly enjoy our time together.
Don’t get so caught up in what needs done that you forget who you are doing it for. We try to carve out 15 minutes of alone time with each of the kids every day. It doesn’t always happen. Sometimes it’s more. Sometimes it’s less. But it’s a goal that keeps us accountable and forces us to slow down. I’m a task-oriented person so adding this to my to-do list may sound cold. But it’s honestly a great way to make sure I stop and BE WITH my kids.
Take a break from social media. Really, does this need an explanation? And here’s another thought: Be real about what you post. And maybe use some discretion? Sometimes, we have an awesome day and I just choose not to post about it. Why, you ask? Because this awesome day was sandwiched between two horrible days that I also didn’t post. And when you scroll through my feed, if all you see is the awesome day in the midst of your horrible day, well, how are you going to feel? So, that’s why. I think we need to keep each other in mind. And just remember, the grass always looks greener on the other side. Doesn’t mean there aren’t anthills.
Take a break from the books. I love reading. And I read 38403820394 books before Brooke was born. And they were helpful. But then they started getting in my head and messing with me and making me feel like a failure. We need guidance. We need wisdom. But every once in a while, we also need to trust the God-given instincts He’s given us and take a deep breath and rest.
Get into counseling. We went through one of the toughest seasons we have ever had with Brooke after Braxton was born. We were honestly at a loss. So we got our butts into counseling. And oh my gosh, you guys. It was so helpful! The counselor met us right where we were and gave us some incredible, practical things to do. We’ve weathered the storm and are on the other side of it. But we have realized how smart Brooke is (she can process things faster intellectually than she can emotionally, which can cause some crazy outbursts). All our children are unique. And some are a little more difficult to deal with than others. NEVER EVER be ashamed to seek professional help. Don’t be embarrassed. Realize that most of the baggage you have is from someone who didn’t quite know how to reach you where you were and help you. What if we could do that for our children? Why wouldn’t we?
Take a nap.
Make some time for yourself.
Get some exercise.
Get in the Word. Y’all, this is the hardest for me. I have battled with guilt for a few years over this. My husband and I were talking about it, and he challenged me to read the verse of the day from YouVersion every morning and then to pray it over my heart. That seemed easy enough. And so I’ve started doing that and it’s made ALL THE DIFFERENCE! I read it, pray it over my heart, and then I actually REMEMBER it because it is one verse. What a blessing this practice has been to me!
Have fun. Remember, you will never ever ever get this time back. So embrace the crazy. Stop caring what everyone else thinks. Stop trying to be in control. Be in the moment.
And older mommas:
Love on us. We need hugs, coffee, chocolate and encouragement. We need you standing on the sidelines cheering us on. We need to know you’ve been there. You get it. We are going to make it. It’s just a season. And that we are doing great! We need your prayers, cards, love. And we need the GOOD stories. Please try never to start a story with, “Just wait till they are …” We don’t need any more anxiety. Give us the “You are going to miss this” stories. Leave us in tears wanting to rush home to hold our babies.
Don’t ever forget. Don’t forget what it’s like to live off three hours of sleep. To have not spoken to an adult for 10 hours. To have a messy house and to be running off caffeine and a stray Cheerio. To struggle through the grocery store with multiple tired, hungry, greedy toddlers. Just please don’t forget. ’Cause we need you in our corner when we feel like the world is staring and judging.
Give us your wisdom. But when the time is right. Some of us feel like failures 95% of the time because we are so tired and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. We want your wisdom. We need your wisdom. But some days we are better at receiving it than others. So just watch and wait. And then give it to us!
Love you all! Remember, as “High School Musical” said it best, “We’re all in this together!” Happy memory making!
We all have relationship goals. We all want to be in a great relationship. But great relationships don’t automatically happen because we found the right person or because we made a promise. No matter if you’re married, single, divorced, or remarried, relationships are just complicated. This series can help you get it right.
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